


vanishing points

by komiv



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Pre-Mass Effect 2, Prose Poem, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5784067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komiv/pseuds/komiv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Alchera, Kaidan remembers the Commander's last words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	vanishing points

**Author's Note:**

> Experimenting with format a bit and musing on Kaidan's state of mind/actions after the opening scene in ME2... Italics are quoted from the game. Kind of tempted to do an audio version of this one if I ever figure out how to do that kind of thing, but we'll see.

He still remembers the last words the Commander said to him. They replay as a litany in his mind, a dark dream punctuated by flashes of fire and sparking emergency lights.

_“Distress beacon is ready for launch.”_

He remembers the praise for managing to save so many of the crew, the promotion he never deserved, the reward that should have gone to someone else. The claps on his shoulders feel like knives in his back, commendations for breaking the first rule the Commander made after Virmire: no one gets left behind again.

_“The Alliance won’t abandon us.”_

He remembers beige walls, white halls, and a never ending stream of just-one-more-question. They want to know how he feels about what happened, if the psychological strain has finally proven too much, if he needs to be quietly discharged with honors before he becomes a problem they actually have to deal with.

_“We just need to hold on.”_

He remembers months passing without notice, a message authorizing his return to light duty, an assignment to a desk job on Arcturus Station. They say how much they look forward to working with an officer of his experience, how his input would be more than welcome in their new recruiting drive featuring none other than the Commander herself, how no one needs to go spreading inflammatory rumors of Reapers when everyone knows the geth that attacked the Citadel are already gone.

_“Get everyone to the escape shuttles.”_

He remembers sending dozens of unanswered emails, taking leave and a shuttle to the Citadel, storming into the Embassy and demanding to speak to Councilor Anderson in person. They tell him the Councilor is a very busy man, but will certainly address his concern when time allows, if he will just leave his name and contact information and kindly leave the Embassy before they call security.

_“I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles.”_

He remembers a single message in his inbox, a request to meet at a club in the Wards, a back room and an ex-Captain’s promise to intervene if he’ll only keep his head down like he used to be so good at doing. They contact him later to inform him of a take-it-or-leave-it offer, a team and a recon assignment, a chance to get back in the field before his hair turns grey or the Reapers-that-don’t-exist destroy the entire galaxy.

_“I’ll take care of Joker.”_

He remembers the names of the marines assigned to his team, the files reviewed until he can recite them without looking, until he feels like he might manage to be half the commander that the Commander had been. They assemble in the loading bay of the ship assigned for their mission, as he introduces himself and gives his lieutenant their first orders, as the Alliance gives him his one last chance.

_“Kaidan. Go. Now!”_

“Aye, aye," he says.


End file.
